Bittersweet Downfall

I fell in love with a boy

But he treated me like a toy
I still accepted him
I still loved him
I still gave him my time
I forget what he did
I gave him second chance
Yet he chose to let me go.

My heart was in pain
That drove me insane
He was my sweetest hello
But like them, he bid goodbye
Not the sweet goodbye you think
It was the damn goodbye you never wanted to hear.

I felt bad for myself
Thinking I wasn’t good enough
That I’m not beautiful
That I’m a bad person
That I’m not sweet
That I’m not smart
That I can’t make him laugh
That was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt.

But in just a snap,
He came back
Acting like nothing happened
He wanted to be friend
And I let him
He did everything for me
To have that second chance again
My heart felt happy
Sometimes, not
That made me confused.

I’m happy when I’m with him
Seeing his smile makes me smile
The thought of him with some other girl
Makes my heart ache, somehow
My eyes glow when I talk about him
The day won’t end without him flashing on my mind
I think of him before I go to sleep
I want to cuddle with him
But sometimes not
That made my mind knot for days.

Suddenly, I woke up with a realization
I’ve realized that I’m just scared
Scared to be hurt again by him
That I’m building a wall
A wall that prevents me to love him.

I broke that wall
And let him inside.

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